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Author: Troi J .Cluse, MuffinTopDiary.com
My name is Troi J. Cluse, Weight Loss & Health Blogger and the Creator of Muffin-top Diary. My Weightloss Journey officially began three Months ago. And by “officially,” I mean I actually became serious about getting healthy and losing weight. For as long as I can remember, weight has always been an issue for me. All these years of torturing my body just to “look skinny,” I never realized just how much weight gain affected my Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Well-being.
“19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” –1 Corinthians 6:19-20
It’s intriguing how the cycle of weight gain actually begins. For me, it began in middle-school. Being one of only 10 African American children attending a private school of 300-400 students, it was extremely difficult for me to fit in. The teasing and rejection had a heavy toll on me, so I turned to food for comfort. The more I ate, the better I felt. I also became bigger. The bigger I became, the more the teasing progressed. The more I got teased, the more I ate to feel better…See how it starts? This cycle is a difficult one to break. As kid, you don’t really pay attention to what you look like or how much you weigh; you’re not suppose to at least. But I did. I was very aware of how my peers viewed me, and it changed how I saw myself…Unwanted. Feeling unwanted is the most damaging feeling a child can ever experience. Even an adult can be severely damaged from this feeling. This feeling changed how I perceived myself. I felt like no one wanted me because they didn’t liked me, so I didn’t like myself.
“17 If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”–1 Corinthians 3:17
From that point on, my weight gain spiraled out of control. All throughout High-School and College, I had tried so many fad diets, weight loss programs, weight loss pills, fat-burning drinks, you name it. I’d lie in my bed and cry out to God, “God, please just help me lose the weight! If I’m skinny, people will like me…I’ll finally have a boyfriend…I can finally feel better about myself…I…I…I…” I became so overwhelmed that I just kind of snapped. I no longer ate for comfort, but out of rebellion. I had turned away from God, and fell into a deep depression. At this point, I didn’t care what I was doing to my body. As long as the food made me feel good, I was good! I stopped exercising, I was tired all the time, so I slept a lot, and I ate fast food and junk food, “All Day, ‘Err Day!” I didn’t care.
Depression, Obesity, Loneliness, Worthlessness plagued me from age 21-25. I was so miserable. I would lie to myself just to get through the day saying, “I don’t care what people think, I accept me for me. If I’m meant to be fat, I’ll stay fat!” But I wasn’t just “fat”, I had become “obese” and extremely unhealthy. My body was breaking down. I never realized the damage that I was doing to myself, until the day that I couldn’t even walk a couple minutes to my friend’s house. I was out of breathe, my back was hurting to the point where I was bending over, and my legs began to cramp. I couldn’t even walk! I was in so much pain.
The next day at work, I sat in my office in tears. I was so ashamed of myself. It had been a long time since I had prayed about this…”God I’m ready to change. I want to change. I NEED to change. Please help me make that change…” Nothing that I’ve tried in the past worked. I could never stick to anything, especially when I’d get discouraged, I’d just quit. I was so far gone, I had no idea where to start. I began to talk to God. “Should I get that pill again from the nutritionist? No! I wanna do this naturally. I wanna do this the right way, but how?” Within a matter of seconds, one of my coworkers pops into my office to chat. We rarely talked, but today was different. I felt this warmth coming from her. She told me her story about how she struggled with her weight, and how she suffered from a slipped lap-band. For over 6 years, she couldn’t even keep her food down. She told me once she got the lap-band removed, her mentality changed. She promised herself that she was going to make a “healthy lifestyle” change and give up on diets for good. She had lost over 30 lb. in 3 months! And all she did was eat healthy and exercise. She asked me if I’d like to join her at the gym. Reluctantly, I said yes…
“ 20 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”
– Philippians 1:20
That coworker has become one of my good friends and we motivate, encourage and exercise together everyday. I thank God for showing her into my office that day. I don’t know where I’d be now if she didn’t. One thing that she said, resonated and sticks with me to this day, “It’s not a diet, It’s a lifestyle change.” It’s not a temporary thing, it’s a long-term commitment. It takes time, hard work, practice and diligence. I thought about how as a follower of Christ, I am reborn in His name and my lifestyle changes according to His will. We leave our old ways, our old habits behind, and become new…much like weight loss. If I was going to lose the weight, I needed to put in the time, hard work, and diligence.
God has created us in His image, and we (His people) are the body of Christ. My body is not my own, it is a Temple of God and should be treated as such. All these years I had had been so selfish in my prayers. I prayed for vain reasons. I wanted to lose the weight for my own selfish gains, when I should’ve prayed to be Physically Healthy and Spiritually Whole. My Gluttonous ways damaged my Emotional and Physical health, and spurred my rebellion against Him. It made me resentful of Him for not answering my prayers, and thus damaging our relationship. My prayers were never answered because I didn’t want to confess my sin of Gluttony. I didn’t want to admit that the problem was within me. God’s is willing and faithful to fulfill our heart’s desires, but only if we are ourselves are faithful to Him.
My weight loss journey hasn’t been easy, but it has definitely been rewarding. In 3 months, I am now down 12lb. and 3 inches off my waistline!!! I Feel better, look better, no more aches & pains, and slowly but surely my lifestyle is changing for the better. I thank Him everyday for the progress I’ve made, and will continue to show thanks by taking better care of this Temple of God.
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Until Next Time, Have A Good One! 😀